Wow. It’s been a while since I have been honored to share my thoughts on the VOICE blog. Last time I wrote about love. Since my last post I have felt God’s work in my life in some very profound ways. I’ll share a little about it now. Don’t worry though, I’ll keep it short because, you know…modern attention spans.
First, history. I have always been pretty insecure. In the past I have tried to conceal my own insecurities with a façade of mystery, activity, humor, or bravado designed to direction people’s attention away from what I felt were my glaring deficiencies. I think pride and fear are the base elements of insecurity. Pride hindered me from admitting my faults and needs and fear of rejection paralyzed me from reaching out for help. This, of course, meant I couldn’t let others in too close. Not allowing other people to get close sucks, but at least you don’t get rejected and hurt. That was my thinking.
Anyway, eventually and inevitably something happened that poked my insecurity in the face, making it flare up and out of control. My pride and fear drove me away from Christian community. I stopped going to church, fellowship groups and Bible studies. I lived as numbly as I could, knowing change was needed, but not knowing what or how.
Then, this summer. After my last VOICE blog post about love, God began to remove the calluses on my heart and shower my life with love. First at home, then at VOICE 2015. (If you weren’t there, you should have been. It was awesome.) At pivotal moments throughout the summer, God used His people in my life to show how powerful applied Christianity can be and how healing the love of God is to a tired soul. God used the love, acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding of my family and friends to show me my need to open up to the love, acceptance, forgiveness, and understanding that He was continuously, graciously offering me.
After VOICE I moved back to Taiwan and began a new job. I have been shocked at how God has been faithful to calm, comfort and inspire me, even when dealing with new situations and regularly feeling like I’m in over my head. He is teaching me that I don’t need to live in insecurity but instead I can live in the security of Christ’s redemption and love.
That’s what God has been teaching me.