When I was still single, I remember hearing about different friends who were devastated when they miscarried their first baby. For some reason, I thought that if they had just kept their pregnancy a secret, they wouldn’t have been so disappointed. And so I made up my mind that when I was pregnant, I would try to keep it a secret until I was pretty sure it was “safe” to tell.

Last March, I miscarried my first child. True to my resolution, aside from Luke, I didn’t tell many people. In fact, it took months for me to tell my own family. I tried to be brave and strong, but the disappointment was devastating– especially since I bore it alone.

When I told a friend about it later that fall, she was shocked. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?” she asked. “When I found out I was pregnant, I told people right away, because I knew I’d need the church’s support if anything were to happen when my husband was deployed.”

I’ve been pondering her words ever since. Why did I think it’d be better to tough things out on my own when God had designed a community of support for me in the church? Is it really better to hold those struggles inside? Is it really Christian to be “strong” by being private about my difficulties?

These last few months, as Luke and I have been adjusting to a lower income, his new schedule for work and school, the changes that will come with a baby, and certain issues in our marriage, I’ve discovered that I really can’t shoulder my problems on my own. Aside from casting all my cares on Christ (1 Peter 5:7), I’m also learning to humble myself and share my struggles with the believers God has placed in my life.

Sometimes, living like God is real means learning to embrace the church community by being vulnerable about our struggles and weaknesses. Don’t tough it out alone.