Category Archives: faith

When I don’t love my neighbor…

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve heard it said countless times, ‘Love God. Love others.’ Jesus Himself said that these two things are the greatest of all the commandments. But have you ever wondered what this looks like in every day life? I have. I tend to like concrete ideas instead of vague concepts, so I’ve often wrestled with what it means to love God – Who is an infinitely huge, eternal, and perfect Spirit- while at the same time loving my neighbor who is human, imperfect, and – I’ll admit – often frustrating.

I used to think that loving my neighbor was easy. But then I began to realize that Jesus wasn’t just talking about the people who were easy to love. He was talking about the needy person next to me. He was talking about the person who was different from me, who’s personality frustrated me. He was talking about the person who annoyed me most. And then I discovered something horrible about myself: I discovered that sometimes I just don’t feel like loving my neighbor, even though I know that I should.

My solution? Like any other problem’s solution. Try harder. Try harder to love people who annoy me. Try harder to show love to those who are hard to love. I’ve lived for YEARS thinking that if I just try hard enough, I’ll eventually overcome my problems. Eventually I’ll have enough love to give.

However, my solution started crumbling recently when I was approached by a few people who lovingly told me that – even though I was trying hard to love a particular person who annoyed me – my love didn’t appear genuine. Frustrated, I complained ‘But I’M TRYING.’ All of a sudden, I Corinthians 13 came to mind. ‘Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.’ And that’s exactly what I had become. A clanging cymbal, because artificial ‘try harder’ love is no substitute for real, selfless, genuine love.

So then I did something crazy. I decided that I didn’t want to be a clanging cymbal. I wanted to love and to love genuinely, and that wasn’t happening through my own efforts. So, I gave up. I accepted my emptiness and inability to love and instead just cried out for God’s perfection and love to fill every crack and corner of my needy heart.

And then God did something crazy. He started giving me love for the person who annoyed me the most. Genuine, selfless, love that I honestly can’t explain on my own.  It was all Him. My emptiness was being exchanged for His fullness.

Jesus said that the world would know that we’re His disciples by our love. I want to be known as His disciple, but I’m never going to be able to love the way I should no matter how hard I try. It’s only when I give up on my own efforts, run to Him, and continually meditate on the gospel truth that God loves ME even when I’m annoying and frustrating and downright filthy, that I’m truly able to love my neighbor. Not a formula to be learned, but a relationship to be experienced.

Beginnings and First Things

Posted on by
Reply

see the frost

It’s that time again, when I finish reading Genesis…and hope my resolution holds to read the whole Bible by next January.

When Moses assembled the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Hebrew Bible, he was leading the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt. The people had been slaves. They needed a history and the sense of identity that comes with it.

Genesis appears to be a chronological collection of stories, some of them kind of strange. But we can detect a direction and subtle changes in tone and perspective.

A lot of those changes occur wherever we see the phrase “these are the generations of…” (KJV). The first chapter describes the creation of the world, and provides a cosmology for the rest of the book. Chapter 2 describes creation in human terms.

Then we hear about Cain and Abel and Noah. It feels very matter of fact. God is talking to people, and we even occasionally know what God is thinking, but we feel a distance from the action.

Then the book focuses on God’s increasingly intimate relationship with Abram. We see God making promises and changing Abram’s name. We see Abraham interceding for Sodom and Gomorrah.

There’s controversy in Genesis too—whether we’re discussing how long the “days” of creation were or questioning Judah’s attitude toward women. We read about the messiness of Abraham’s family.

see the moon

Then we come to the story of Joseph. God only speaks once in the last chapters and only to Jacob. But Joseph avoids Mrs. Potiphar’s advances and upholds sexual purity because of who God is. He tells Pharaoh it is God who gives the interpretation of dreams. When his brothers come to Egypt, he forgives them for selling him into slavery, because “God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20, KJV).

Somehow Joseph saw things differently than I probably would have, and maybe that’s what ties it all together. Genesis records the beginning of God’s revelation of Himself.

It teaches us to see the hand of God, despite the sinfulness of humans. So that just as Abraham believed God and it was “counted to him for righteousness” (Genesis 15:6,KJV) we too may begin to see with the eyes of faith.

Genesis teaches us to see the world and ourselves in the context of who God is.

Imperfect Situations and God’s Perfect Will

Posted on by
Reply

PublicTMB

Do you ever doubt that you are in God’s will because things aren’t going smoothly? When I hit bumps in life, one of my first reactions is often to think I must have made a wrong decision somewhere along the way. I start to fear that I’ve “missed” the best somewhere for my life and I can’t ever get it back. After all, wouldn’t God be continually blessing me with a smooth path if I were in His will?

Recently, however, individuals in the Bible who were clearly in God’s plan, but experiencing rough times have been apparent to me. Daniel, Jeremiah, and John the Baptist are a few that come to mind. And now, just after the Christmas season, Mary really stands out to me. Luke 1:42 says she was blessed among women and yet at the time she was carrying Jesus inside her, the challenges she was facing would have to make her feel anything but blessed. The realities of her life (mourning the possible loss of the marriage she had planned on, wondering about the stigma of being an unwed mother, almost every relationship in her life being in jeopardy) had to contrast sharply with the message of “highly favored one” (Luke1:28) that the angel gave to her. Only Mary’s amazing faith caused her to respond to God’s plan for her, not just with compliance – but instead, JOY at her situation. She even wrote a poem expressing her gratefulness to God that He would choose her for that path (Luke 1:46-55)!

Clearly, when we are facing opposition and challenges, we do have to examine our lives to make sure it is not our own sin that is causing or contributing to these problems. But these witnesses in Scripture remind me that being in God’s perfect will doesn’t mean that things are necessarily going to be perfect and imperfect situations don’t always mean that I went down a wrong path. Consider Jesus, who followed His Father in every respect and yet still encountered suffering and opposition. I shouldn’t let my less than ideal circumstances burden me with doubt, but look in expectant faith to God.

Loving Fathers

Posted on by
Reply

Merry Christmas!

2013 has been a year of dramatic change for me and my family. On June 7 my first son, Lewis, was born. Watching him grow and learn has been one of the greatest joys of my entire life. I could easily bore you with far too many tales of his exploits, but I’ll try not to…

Rowan & Lewis

Having a son has also opened up my eyes to new ways of understanding old truths of the Bible. I have always known that God is a father, but I only knew about one side of the father-child relationship. I always understood that Jesus was the Son of God, but I didn’t know what it was to be the father to a son.

Lewis is a dare devil. He is, as yet, unafraid of anything. He dives, lunges, crawls, topples, and bonks his way through every day, pleasantly unaware of all the near-pain experiences he has. Today he learned a new trick. As my wife and I were sitting on the floor with him he would pull himself up on us from sitting to standing and then let go, falling into our hands. He did this over and over for 20 minutes, slowly learning how to stand up, but still not capable of balancing on his own. Never once did he fall and hurt himself, because his mom and dad caught him every time.

This amazes me when I think about my Heavenly Father. Scripture says that God’s love for us is greater than a mother [or father] for her child. (Isaiah 49:15) I love my son enough that I will catch him when he [almost] falls off the couch or can’t quite balance on his own. Usually Lewis isn’t even aware that I’m hovering over him, alert to keep him safe.

God loves us enough that He promises, not to catch us every time, but to turn every situation for our good and blessing. (Romans 8:28) I don’t have a clue how this promise will work out for me or for you, but I do know that it cost Him deeply to fulfill it. The only way He could was to send His Son to Earth, to live a perfect life and to die in our place, as the Redeemer.

It grieves me that I cannot protect Lewis from pain or suffering, but I am so grateful that God would give His Son to care for mine!

Revive Me

Posted on by
1

“God, I can’t make it today. Life’s too hard. I’m tired.”

Do you have those days? I’m not talking about just having a late night and not wanting to get out of bed. I’m talking about the kind of tired where you don’t know if you care to ever get out of bed—the kind of tired that sinks into your soul. Psalm 119:25a says, “My soul clings to the dust.” I’ve found myself identifying with this verse.

It wasn’t anything in particular that made life hard. It was simply, well, everything. All of life’s platitudes and helpful sayings hit me like a slap in the face. Each morning rushed upon me like a charging bull. I needed a way out of an endless cycle of hurt and self-pity. Praise God! He has given one—the Word.

I thought: “I’ve tried that. I’ve read the Bible. Tell me something new.” But, the amazing truth is my answer is not in some new thing that will magically solve all my problems. My answer, as a child of God, is within me. The Father, who gave His all to know me, lives inside me and IS the answer to everything. And if He is what I need, I must fill my life, my heart, my mind, my soul with the Word. “…and the Word was God.” (John 1:1)

All throughout the Word, we find the command to keep His commandments. “And this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3). Keep means to hold on to something, to take care of it, to have it with you. Our Father knows our weaknesses and needs above anyone else. When the soul is laid low, the answer is still the same.

Do you feel like your feet are slipping and you are desperately grasping for something to stop your plummet? Cling to His Word. Read the Word. Memorize it. Talk about it. Fill your free time with it. At first, you may not notice a difference. I didn’t, but, slowly, something happened. In the end, my life hasn’t changed too much, but my heart has. Deep inside something has grown. It’s a flicker of hope.

775089650_79b104aafa_o

“My soul clings to the dust; revive me according to your Word.” ~Psalm 119:25

Squirrels, Girls, and the Gospel

Posted on by
1

Savannah & Sissa“SAVANNAH, WHAT DID YOU DO?!” I was in shock. Sissa, the little baby squirrel that we had helped raise for the last few weeks was now laying in my hand, shaking violently and unable to stand up. Even after questioning my 4 year old daughter some more, it was apparent that Savannah was oblivious to how Sissa became injured. She claimed that they were “just playing together!”

Although this appeared to be an accident, inside my heart, I was boiling. I didn’t realize that I was so attached to our pet squirrel; however, my emotions now were revealing what this really meant to me. I could not believe that my cute little girl could do something so tragic, and worse yet, not even seem sad about it. My wife and I had told Savannah many times to be gentle with Sissa, and now here we stood, with an innocent baby squirrel struggling with an obvious spinal injury. Why hadn’t I trained my daughter to take better care of animals? Why wasn’t I more specific with how she should play with a baby squirrel? How could my own flesh and blood not show any remorse with what she had done?!

I knew what I had to do, and deep inside, I was furious. My wife and daughter went in the house, and I tried to get the courage to take care of Sissa and help him quickly get out of his misery. “I should make my daughter watch me do it,” I surprisingly thought to myself. “Why do I have to be the one to do the hard part?” It was then God spoke so clearly to me: “It’s not easy is it? Pouring your love into someone and then watching them make decisions with such devastating consequences – and then they don’t even see how much it hurts you.” My heart softened a bit and instantly I was convicted. How many times had I intentionally abused the gift graciously given to me from my Savior, and here I was angry at my daughter’s accidental carelessness?

This still wasn’t going to be easy. Burying Sissa’s lifeless body was very difficult, but even then, I was gently reminded that the heart of my little girl is much more valuable than many squirrels. Parenthood has provided many opportunities to observe what the Gospel really looks like, but going through this specific journey with Savannah has brought me to an even greater place of awe and thanksgiving for all that Jesus Christ’s sacrifice really means.

Flawed Infallibility

Posted on by
2

Big head bucky ball BobaAs my sisters tell it, I was quite the bossy little boy. I knew I was always right, and that God was on my side. When others DARED to disagree with me, I would ask them in a shocked, nasally sing-song voice, “You don’t listen to God?!”

This attitude may be amusing in a child, but to my horror, I’ve found it still prevalent in my life, and in the lives of fellow Christians. We think our understanding of God is infallible, shaking our heads, pointing our fingers, presuming to speak on His behalf.

Two examples.

Politics
As a Christian born in America, I subconsciously believed my political party was a part of my identity as a Christian. I never realized that I held this belief, or came to question it until 2001.

One Sunday during the aftermath of 9/11, I attended a service in Taiwan where a pastor criticized the American government for seeking revenge, and emphasized the importance of forgiveness. I was disturbed for two reasons. One, how could a Christian disagree with the decisions of my political party in America? Two, why didn’t I understand enough about politics to defend my country’s actions as right and moral?

Creationism
God created the world, so evolution must be wrong. How can people believe in Jesus and the Bible without knowing the truth?

One year at VOICE, someone on my team disagreed with creationism. I tried to convince him that his science textbooks taught him lies, but in the end, his belief in evolution – and lack of belief in God – remained unchanged.

When I shared my experience with my pastor, he told me something that has slowly transformed my way of thinking over the past ten years.

“We must not allow secondary issues to distract us from what is most important: whether or not they will accept Jesus as Lord.”

But you might ask, what about the verse in I Peter 3:15 that tells us, “…always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you…”?

Exactly. The hope that is within us, that is what we must defend. In all other areas, we must be open to the possibility of our fallibility, or else we will be like Christians joining a murderous crusade to the Holy land, the Catholic church condemning the scientific discoveries of Galileo, or like a self-righteous little boy who has still so much to learn about God.

PriseDeConstantinople1204PalmaLeJeune

The taking of Constantinople. Public Domain.

Pearl of Great Price

Image

1

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.” (Mt. 13:45-46)

pearlsThe interpretation of this parable of Jesus that I have always heard is that God, or Jesus Christ, is the Pearl of Great Price, and we are like the Merchant. We need to follow Jesus’ call to “Sell all that you have…come and follow me.” (Mt. 19:21) Several old hymns reinforce this idea, such as a beautiful translation of J.S. Bach’s “Jesu Meine Freude.” And there is something to be said for this idea: clearly Christ is valuable, the most valuable thing in the world and out of the world – “So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.” (Lk. 14:33)

But there are problems with this interpretation – if we are the merchant, this makes it sound like we are searching for God until we find Him, then getting Him because we give something as payment. But, “no one understands; no one seeks for God.” (Rom. 3:11) And of course, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” (Eph. 2:8)

I’ve become fascinated by the possibility that this parable is actually talking about the way that God pursues us: He’s the merchant and we are the pearl. There is good Biblical support for this idea too. The old hymnwriter Charles Wesely wrote about the great price Christ paid: He “Emptied himself of all but love.” We are told, “…Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” (Phil. 2:5-8) The image of God as a merchant who values me so much as to give up all He has to gain me…that moves me, changes my heart.

Whatever the correct interpretation is of this parable, the point about God pursuing us is true. “…the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” (Lk. 19:10) This also changes my perspective on passages like Eph. 5: 25-27: “…Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.” I think that your life as a Christian is defined by God pursuing you, not by you pursuing God; by God valuing you rather than you valuing God; and by God the Son gaining us as a Bride more so than us gaining Him as a savior.

Relish this, revel in it, let it soothe, heal and transform you into the person whom God will enjoy for eternity. “We love because he first loved us.” (1 Jn. 4:19)

Are You Fighting?

Posted on by
1

Do you ever feel like your life is a struggle and that you are often fighting against temptation and negative thoughts? Does it seem like your life is a war and you are fighting in a battle? If so, the reason is that we are in a battle, and our enemy, Satan, will try everything he can to discourage us and hinder our fellowship with Jesus and our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. So if you are fighting, keep fighting!

God has supplied everything we need for our battle in this life. Some friends and I were discussing Ephesians 6:10-18 about the armor of God recently. Each piece is a valuable part of our daily walk with Christ, and contributes to our success in our battle against sin and the world. It is important to remember that we are not fighting against other people, although sometimes it seems like we might want to. Our war is a spiritual war, and so we must use the armor and weapons God has given us if we want to be successful. At the end of verse 18, Paul encourages us to pray for each other, and this is one of our most valuable resources in our fight against the world.
donghai
Hebrews 10:24,25 says: “And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” If you are fighting, do not try to fight alone! In our pride, we often try to hide our struggles from others so we can appear to have everything under control. However, God has given us fellowship with other believers to encourage and strengthen us when we need help. He created us to help each other and pray for each other. So if you feel like you are alone in your battle, look at who God has placed in your life to help you fight. We can also remember that part of our responsibility is to fellowship and encourage others. Recently I have been very thankful for my family and Christian brothers and sisters that are in my life, and have encouraged me to keep fighting. Do not fight alone!

five

Posted on by
6

081011 KFan-04

October 11th is my wedding anniversary! Marriage has been good, but not quite what I expected when I said “I do” five years ago. Here are five ways that God has been teaching me to live out His reality in my marriage…

081011 KFan-02

1)    Trust God with the things that are most important to me.

Luke’s first “competition” turned out to be VOICE. We made a decision early on to transfer the leadership from me to him, but that also meant me letting him do things differently than I would. That was rough. In the process, however, God taught me to make marriage my first ministry and trust Him to work through other people in other ways at VOICE.

 2)    We need community.

Before I had Arianna, I had a miscarriage. I chose not to talk about it, thinking that would make it easier. It didn’t. Over the course of that year, I learned that Luke and I need the body of Christ to challenge our perspective, to encourage us when we’re sad, and to point us to Christ in our struggles.

081011 KFan-01

3)    We can’t save each other.

You may have heard Luke and I talk about our battle against pornography. I once believed that if I was a good wife, Luke wouldn’t be tempted in this way. I was wrong. Even when I bent over backwards to bless him, it wasn’t enough. One night after a hard talk, I remember thinking, “There’s nothing I can do to save him!” And that was when God replied, “That’s right…but he has a Savior who can.” That was a pivotal moment for me—and the first time I realized how amazing it is to have a God like that.

081011 KFan-03

4)    I can’t forgive unless I understand I’ve been forgiven.

I never thought I had a problem with anger, but over the last few years, I’ve struggled a lot with bitterness. Whenever I felt wronged, I’d find myself in a cycle of hurt, anger, and self-justification. The only way I was able to climb out of that cycle was when God opened my eyes to the price He paid to forgive me. Only when I understand my debt to Christ can I find grace to forgive others.

5)    Marriage gets better with time!

Before I got married, a well-meaning friend warned me that marriage would be hard. He was right. The good news, however, is that God also designed marriage to be good. Even though courtship was fun and exciting, God has used the joys and struggles in marriage to deepen our love for each other and for Him.

130814 lkK-01 height=”213″ />And on that note, I’d like to say, “Happy anniversary, Darling. I love you more today than all of our yesterdays.”

____________________________

Wedding photos by Katherine Fan  |  Glacier National Park photo by Noel Kallberg