Tag Archives: VOICE musical

Joy in Sorrow

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Tears crept down my face, sobs shook my shoulders. I tried to concentrate on conducting the song, but to no avail. Every note, every chord, brought to mind my grandfather, who was the inspiration for the song; my grandfather, who I would never see again on earth.

I was in the middle of directing our final dress rehearsal for this year’s VOICE musical. In a little over an hour, it would be time to wrap up and get ready for our Chinese New Year dinner, followed by the performance later that night. In every VOICE, the day of the Chinese New Year dinner has always been crazily busy with last minute preparations and practicing. This year, it was compounded by the fact that my grandfather, my roommate for the past ten years, passed away in Taiwan that morning.

Was God real, even in this situation?

Yes, He was.

I saw Him bless the peaceful rehearsal that day. Things went so smoothly, everyone worked together so well to get everything done in the short amount of time we had.

I saw Him as I burst into tears listening to fifty people pour their hearts into rehearsing a song, one that I began writing the day after my birthday, the last day I had seen my grandfather. I saw Him in the fact that for the first time in four years, I had enough time to relax and enjoy my Chinese New Year dinner with my coworkers before the performance. I saw Him work in the actual performance, as everyone’s hard work came to completion. Instead of bursting into tears as I thought I would, I found myself grinning with joy. I knew that God was real. And I knew that He loved me.

Note: The song I mentioned is the one my sister Karen has posted in the previous blog entry.

Irrational Love

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I remember our baby in a crib who’s fast asleep,
He doesn’t see my tears, can’t hear me weep
And I wondered, “Was it worth it that we chose his life not yours?”
And I felt you smiling with me and answer, “Of course.”

It was the first day of VOICE. I was sitting in TESOL auditions as my brother unveiled one of the most important songs in his newest musical The Inheritance, based on the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15. In Tim’s adaptation, the father finds himself wrestling with the rebellion and desertion of his younger son as well as possible professional ruin, so he questions whether he and his wife had made the right choice in giving life to their second son at the cost of her own at childbirth.

At the time, I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant, so the song touched a very sensitive spot in my heart. All my life, I’ve been learning to love others– family, friends, classmates, teachers, colleagues– but most of it was based on the other person giving or responding similarly at least in some small way. Even with Luke, I fell in love because he first loved me.

At this particular point in Tim’s story, however, we’re faced with the quandary of reconciling the sacrifice of a loving mother for her ungrateful and selfish son, who was recklessly destroying his father’s life work. Part of me cringed from the injustice of it. The other part of me, however, experienced for the first time what it means to be a mother– to love someone I have never met, not because of any merit of their own or because they love me, but simply because that is how God first loved us.

That is what Christ has done for us. He doesn’t love us because of anything we have or can do for Him. He didn’t choose me because I was a good girl. No, God demonstrated His irrational and wasteful love in that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).