Irrational Love

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I remember our baby in a crib who’s fast asleep,
He doesn’t see my tears, can’t hear me weep
And I wondered, “Was it worth it that we chose his life not yours?”
And I felt you smiling with me and answer, “Of course.”

It was the first day of VOICE. I was sitting in TESOL auditions as my brother unveiled one of the most important songs in his newest musical The Inheritance, based on the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15. In Tim’s adaptation, the father finds himself wrestling with the rebellion and desertion of his younger son as well as possible professional ruin, so he questions whether he and his wife had made the right choice in giving life to their second son at the cost of her own at childbirth.

At the time, I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant, so the song touched a very sensitive spot in my heart. All my life, I’ve been learning to love others– family, friends, classmates, teachers, colleagues– but most of it was based on the other person giving or responding similarly at least in some small way. Even with Luke, I fell in love because he first loved me.

At this particular point in Tim’s story, however, we’re faced with the quandary of reconciling the sacrifice of a loving mother for her ungrateful and selfish son, who was recklessly destroying his father’s life work. Part of me cringed from the injustice of it. The other part of me, however, experienced for the first time what it means to be a mother– to love someone I have never met, not because of any merit of their own or because they love me, but simply because that is how God first loved us.

That is what Christ has done for us. He doesn’t love us because of anything we have or can do for Him. He didn’t choose me because I was a good girl. No, God demonstrated His irrational and wasteful love in that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

In God I trust.

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I like having things well-planned in advance. I like to know that everything is prepared before it happens.

It’s hard to picture myself having the kind of faith missionary
George Mueller had when he didn’t know where his next meal would come from or if he’d even get one. Advanced preparation wasn’t possible then! He could only trust God to do the next thing.

I’ve never had to go through anything as drastically faith-testing as waiting for your daily bread, but recently experienced a small-scale parallel of the uncertainty, not of the next meal, but of the next ride.

Two weeks ago, my family was at a conference and only after arrival realized that the sessions were held at a different place than our lodging. We had no car and thus no way to get there.

Four times a day we had to find a ride between the 2 places, and I was regularly uncomfortable in this position of waiting for the next unknown benefactor. Not in financial poverty living hand-to-mouth, but in simple need going from ride-to-ride.

It was a very small “problem” but it was a situation I couldn’t control nor choose to have transportation all planned ahead. I knew God would provide, but harder than trusting was letting that trust transform tension into peace about waiting and not knowing.

What is your unknown that is causing a lesson in trust? We know God is trustworthy, but do we live like it? Or does our anxiety say otherwise?

I like to know what will happen and be prepared for it. But trusting God sometimes means being willing not to know…the future, or where the next ride is coming from.

 

 

Your Last Breath

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OK, I have a confession to make. I’m a hypochondriac – meaning, that I always think I’m getting sick, and I get worried easily the minute I get sick with something. This doesn’t come as a surprise for those who know me really well, but hey, it’s not easy to admit something like this.

My eyes have been opened up in some new ways, however, as mainly because over the last few months, I’ve been experiencing some consistent headaches. What made it even more upsetting was that after I went to the doctor for a simple consultation, he was very concerned about the headaches and wanted me to have some tests done – even mentioning the possibility of a brain tumor. Now, I know that would scare anyone, but for a hypochondriac like me, this freaked me out. Although I got some tests done, and everything appears to be normal (doctors still can’t explain why I’m having the headaches), God used the whole experience to pound into me the whole area of sacrifice and surrender.

I know many of us take our health for granted, but when the doctor initially shared with me some of that scary stuff, I had an extremely hard time not allowing my mind run wild about the whole concept of death. For a couple of weeks I really struggled with the fear of dying and leaving behind my wife and daughter. It was during that time that I was listening to a song that really convicted me. “All that we have; all that we are; all that we hope to be we give to You” said the song, and as I thought through those words I realized that although I’ve given my life to God, I never considered that that even means giving up my last breath to God if He sees fit to call me away from this world. Would you feel cheated if you found out that you were going to die tomorrow? Every part of my life should be an offering, and if my King will get more glory by ending it, I will gladly give up all that I “hope to be,” knowing that He knows exactly what He’s doing.

Is An All-Powerful God OK?

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Sometimes I stand at the edge of a field and watch wind blow the grass. Each blade moves differently from each other blade. I am overwhelmed trying to watch the movements of only five or ten blades of grass. Slowly I become aware of the incomprehensible number of blades of grass in the small area right where I’m standing…and then the whole huge field.  And many more fields throughout Oklahoma. And many, many more throughout America and around the world…so many blades of grass. And the cells inside each blade…and the atoms inside each cell…and a universe full of such wonders!

The Bible says that God is all-powerful, but I confess that I have often doubted God’s ability to control all of this. Is God really in control of the world? I can’t even imagine what that would mean. It’s incomprehensible. How could there possibly be one Person who is vast enough, smart enough, powerful enough, to know and control all that is going on at each second throughout this little patch of grass; much less the unfathomable universe? I can certainly appreciate the perspective of non-believers who scoff at the idea of God, saying it’s an impossible idea.

Whoa, what happened? We arrived at this point of doubting God’s existence because we started by looking at the world without God. We concluded that it is outrageously huge and complex; therefore it is outrageous for any one being to control it all. We started with our knowledge of the world, and allowed that to define our knowledge of God. But if God really came first, then we should start with our knowledge of Him, and allow that to define our knowledge of the world. What if we were to start with the idea of an all-powerful God? If we assume that such a God exists, then why should it be difficult for Him to create an unthinkably complex and vast world?

The Bible says that God is infinite. If we start with this idea, then why should it be particularly hard for Him to make one type of universe or another? Perhaps the only world that would be worthy of Him would be one that is, itself, infinite!

The universe is huge and amazing, and it does make perfect sense for an infinite God to be in control of every detail.

Written by Luke Kallberg

The Joys of Servanthood

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If anybody told me that one day I would be my grandfather’s “nurse”, I would first laugh at such an unlikely scenario, and then shudder at how horrible that would be.

My grandfather used to be a confident and capable man. He was an engineer who helped build the impossible during World War II in China and in the early days of Taiwan’s developing economy, a man who once he set his mind on something, woe to you if you tried to change it.

At first I hated it when my father forced me to be my grandfather’s roommate: he slept on the bottom of a bunk bed, I on the top. It was always too hot, and my grandfather would wake me up early in the morning to exercise with him.

As the years have taken a toll on his health, and my role has grown ever more demanding, to my surprise, my joy has been slowly growing. True, I have to wake up multiple times during the night to take my grandfather to the bathroom, I help change his diaper, I help feed him, but God has never made the task more than I can bear.

Jesus told us, “…He that is greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). I am by no means an example of a perfect servant, but I thank God that because of my grandfather, I have become a much better one.

I will treasure this time with him for the rest of my life.

An Intrusion of Grace

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Last summer, one of the VOICE students returned to Oklahoma City with us. Since Chris is an American citizen, his father wanted him to finish high school in the US. I recommended Christian Heritage Academy, a good private school in town with an exchange program (headed by my friend Audra). It slipped my mind, however, that Chris would need a place to stay or a way to get to school…

…until his parents came to Oklahoma City to help him get settled. That was when Luke and I realized that Chris needed a host family.

Neither of us were ready for parenting– much less teen parenting. We had guarded our first year of marriage carefully, but with our anniversary around the corner, we wondered if this was God’s next step for us.

After talking seriously about it, we told his parents that we’d pray about it. I’ll never forget the look of relief in their eyes as they shared how they had gotten up at 4:30 that morning to pray that we might take Chris into our home.

That was nine months ago. Serving God this year has meant taking Chris to school, cooking for three, cutting his hair, tutoring him in Shakespeare and grammar, picking him up after football practice, helping him get his motorcycle license, and talking through important life issues.

An intrusion to our lives? Yes, but it’s been an intrusion of grace as we’ve been learning to let God use us as a channel of His irrational, extravagant love.

“In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (I John 4:10-11)

Press On

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“Rachel, you watch Ugly Betty?”
“No, Daniel, I was talking about AUNTIE Betty.”

“Violent video games aren’t bad! It’s proven that people who play them actually make better soldiers in the army.”

“James 1:16 says Do not be deceived, my brothers. The lesson I learn from that is: don’t trust ANYBODY.”

Welcome to Jr. High Sunday School. Such are the things you’d hear if you were to step in to my little class. My hope in teaching is to make the Bible interesting and God relevant to the youth so they learn truths that solidify their faith foundation.

Sometimes though, I wonder if I am making any progress. Are they hearing anything??

But if the God we are learning about IS real, then He is not just a subject of study, but is actively at work in my life and theirs. Though there are no dramatic life changes, fruit growth-spurts, or mini-revivals every Sunday, I know that the teens are in the hands of a living God who does transform lives.

My job is to persevere even when it feels like I’m just plodding along without visible results. I need to be faithful and keep plugging at it each week.

Serving God and following Jesus daily is not usually glamorous or revolutionary. Living like God is real is often simply obeying and being faithful to what you’re given – it is made of persistence and consistence.

And it will be rewarding.

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.” (Galatians 6:9)

The Rebel Inside Us

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“Hi!” The response sounds innocent enough, but it is quickly becoming the statement of choice by my one-year-old little girl, Savannah, whenever she is doing something that she’s not allowed to and she realizes that she has been caught in the act.

Fatherhood has taught me many different things, but one of the most obvious to me right now relates to human nature. There are arguments out there that suggest that people are inherently good, or that human nature isn’t all that bad and we should believe that people will only try to do bad things when they are absolutely forced to.

However, being a dad and watching Savannah grow and develop tells me the exact opposite. I’ve never once taught her how to disobey, deceive, or manipulate me or others, but I’m constantly amazed, and even shocked, at how often those bad qualities come out of my little girl, and she’s only 14 months old!

A sin nature is embedded deeply within each of us – and if you don’t believe me, just come spend a day at my house. It is the natural inclination of everyone to rebel against God’s Law. We know that Isaiah understood that too when he stated that “All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way” (Isaiah 53:6). We want to do what we want to do, but isn’t it awesome that in spite of our rebellion we have a Savior who has not only set us free from that sin nature, but has also given us the power to choose daily to live a life of victory?!

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ…and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” Ephesians 2:4-6

God and the Volcano

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For me this week, “living like God is Real” means resting. I have been in the United Kingdom and Ireland since March 31, but was supposed to travel back home last week. Then the Icelandic volcano erupted, throwing me, and millions of others, into a perpetual state of uncertainty. Travel arrangements have been disrupted, meetings canceled, plans destroyed, and there is no end in sight. No one knows what is going to happen and when, or even if, things will go back to normal.

So today I write from Oxford, England, at the table of my good friend Judson. I have spent countless hours making alternative travel plans, waiting on hold for airline agents, and taking buses, ferries, taxis, and trains to try to get around the volcanic ash that has changed my life.

God IS real, and He IS good! I choose to rest in Him. I will do my best to get home, but I am going to enjoy the extra time I have in England along the way. I can do nothing to make flights happen, but I am confident that my loving Heavenly Father has me safely in His care.

Carefree in Oxford,
Rowan

Debate People

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I recently participated in an online debate with an atheist. It’s rather long, but you can read it here if you wish. It was a profitable experience and when I have time, I would like to do it again.

I used to think of “debates” as unfriendly and unproductive, kind of like a war where neither side is going to win. But this time, I did the debate not for the purpose of convincing someone I was right, but for the purposes of learning to communicate better, and building relationships. I used to think that debates would destroy relationships, but I found out that is not true. Bad debates destroy relationships; but good debates build relationships. Neither I nor the other guy were able to convince each other of anything in the debate, but I found some areas where I need to learn to talk more clearly, and I also gained new familiarity and respect for atheists as people.

In America, we’re noticing that people who disagree with each other are having more and more difficulty talking with each other about the thing they disagree on. People have less and less desire to talk honestly with others who disagree with them. People are less and less convincible. This is terrible. In the introduction to his book, The Reason for God, Tim Keller, Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York City, puts it this way:

Those who believe in God and Christianity are out to “impose their beliefs on the rest of us” and “turn back the clock” to a less enlightened time. Those who don’t believe are “enemies of truth” and “purveyors of relativism and permissiveness.” We don’t reason with the other side; we only denounce.

We need to talk with people who disagree with us, be willing to learn from them, and be nice about it.